A Paperwaif Moment
“You don’t always know where life will take you. An adventure awaits, even from the couch.
The choices we make that don’t always make sense… Though very strange times that we are currently having to adapt to (myself not so much since I’m already a antisocial, introverted recluse who prefers hiding in a cozy nook with my design tools, notebooks, and a bowl of ice cream), I think it is a little odd that so many individuals are having a difficult time dealing with their offspring. Yes, it may be a completely different lifestyle than what some are accustomed to, when we have grown carelessly fond of dropping them with grandparents, nannies, daycare, and anyone but ourselves, however, how difficult is it to interact, play, and be responsible for them without being irritated, annoyed, and frustrated that they are such an inconvenience to you? Unfortunately, at certain points in our lives, many of us have made very difficult decisions to prepare for these unusual, unpredictable circumstances. And I am not suggesting financially.
Graduating school, all I wanted was to get a foot in the door, begin a career from the bottom up, and build an amazing portfolio. Like many others, I didn’t realize how exhausting and challenging it would be to balance everything. Celebrities make it look so easy. Yet there’s a little secret to their so-called having it all. Twenty other individuals manage everything for them, including all of their social media posts. Every photo and post is doctored. Memoirs aren’t necessarily written by them. So-called fashion lines use their name and image. The public has known this for decades. Even so, it still looks easy on paper.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t find anything in life to be easy. I’ve never had connections in the industries that I love. I’ve never had a financial handout for college, vacations, etc. I grew up on a trailer on a farm that has become a desolate memory at best. Not knocking my upbringing in any way, but I’ve always seen things a little differently because of my unconventional childhood. Despite desperately wanting that whimsical, dream career that I felt I could be successful at, a turning point arrived, where to my disappointment, I had to set aside my personal ambitions and decide what would be best for our little unit that kept growing. If that meant giving up anything and everything that I really wanted, so be it. To secure a future, I felt we had to follow the benefits for the betterment of our family, not mine, which also meant being 100% reliant on one another and no one else.
It’s a system that’s works amazingly well for us, especially at a time like this when I am already accustomed to caring, playing, and working with my children 24/7. Do I wish I could drop my kids elsewhere, so we can have a weekend away? Yes. Do I get really upset about not following the career that I wanted, when others brag all the time? Yes. Do I wish I had more personal time to work on my books, magazines, and digital designs? Yes. Do I think this lifestyle is for everyone? Absolutely not. Most people need social interaction, jobs to keep them occupied, and reasons to stay motivated. Just one of the perks of being an antisocial wallflower is self motivation, creative thoughts, and a do-it-yourself type of attitude. I always have eight different projects occupying my time and the list never ends. That’s why I’ll never be satisfied with only five books, only ten digital publications, or only one portfolio. The creative process simply never ends and I am sure there are other individuals who feel the same way.
I’ve accomplished many personal goals because I didn’t follow that career in the city. I wouldn’t have considered writing books or designing covers, ever. I wouldn’t have learned how to design magazines or build my own website. I wouldn’t have moved to N. Carolina, a state that I have absolutely fallen in love with forever. Not even Washington can bring me back to the dry, desolate deserts that I’m just not compatible with. Don’t even recognize the lifestyles anymore. These may be superficial, unimportant goals and career directions, but my flake, floozy personality has allowed me to compromise and realize when it’s time be a whole, not just a slice.
We all make choices good or bad, right or wrong. No lifestyle is better than another. But you do have to live with the choices that you have made, myself included.
Just take a deep breath…